xenonym | in medias res.

[ minsu's right, he's being reasonable, but neve's head is full, and his heart aches, and he can't sit here and think this is okay. not until he's turn every option around and over in his head, until he's done what he could to consider everything and conclude there was no solution.

then again, he doesn't want that to be the conclusion. it's a bad conclusion.

because... because it might not always be true, what minsu's saying. ]

I know. That's why I can't — I'm not someone who could do this. And it wouldn't be safe, for the child.

[ he pauses, biting the inside of his cheek. hoping it can't be true but knowing there is no possible way to tell. that even dash would argue. ]

What if it's not? What if one day it's not enough?

Then...

[minsu hesitates, because he doesn't want to say it. he doesn't want neve to hear the words. his brows knit together like he's in pain, and he suddenly can't look neve in the eyes.

he looks down instead, wiping his palms down his jeans and trying to summon his courage.]

If Dash says it...if Dash tells you that it's not enough. And you really can't do it. Then...maybe you have to consider letting him find someone who can. [he raises his head again suddenly, wanting to make one thing clear.] But only if he tells you. You can't decide that on your own, it's his decision.

[ of course neve had thought of that himself before. hearing it from someone else, though, it's infinitely worse. then it's not just something his mind wanders to, it's not a fear, it's not something irrational and not right and twisted out of concern and fear.

it's real. this might be a real thing he has to do. dash could one day decide after all he wants a child more than he wants anything else. and maybe that means he still loves neve. maybe he'd want to find a partner to have a child with while staying with neve, maybe he'd want to adopt and parent with someone else, maybe it doesn't have to mean the end of their marriage, of their bond. of their relationship.

they're just all possibilities that neve hates.

neve is quiet a long while. he looks small. like he's shrinking. it's such a big obstacle he didn't expect. so now he doesn't know what to do about it. he can't see a way out that doesn't involve either him or dash not being completely happy. ]

If it... If it makes him happy. I'd do anything for that. I promised him that when I married him. Anything in the world. [ but that's why this is so awful. ] Except children, I guess.

[minsu sits quietly across from him, eyes downcast again. he knows what this must be doing to neve, and he doesn't like thinking about dash being unhappy either. it's like a weight on his shoulders that pushes them down. minsu's stomach is in knots, but he can't stop thinking about toast, about mashed potatoes, about a dozen other comfort foods.]

It's a terrible situation. [one that minsu had never thought about. he wants to wring his hands at it, blinking against his tears.] Most of the time couples can compromise, find a solution where you're both at least a little bit happy. But you can't make half a baby.

It is. It's... yes. Terrible.

[ there's a lot more panic inside of neve than he lets on. there are aspects to this he doesn't want to mention to minsu. like how dash insists he's fine and they don't need to have kids, but when neve sees him with jiyun it's obvious there's so much more to it, obvious that one day he might want them much more than he does right now. that maybe day by day he's wanting them more and more.

he doesn't want to put minsu or his daughter in the middle of that. it could happen with any baby, and if dash is the one denying it to neve to make him happy, it's an issue between them. no need to make minsu feel awful for something, no need to make him think he needs to let dash have her less often.

and no need to leave this with minsu thinking they might part ways. he's not about to do that right now, and he's pretty sure dash would rather find an alternative that involves them staying together to have a child rather than splitting. it's terrifying for a whole bunch of other reasons, though. neve doesn't feel worthy of being his husband right now.

still. he takes in a slow breath and puts his hand on minsu's shoulder. ]

Don't worry. It'll be okay.

[minsu smiles a little at his touch, eyes flickering up to him. he knows that neve is trying to make him feel less worried, so minsu will try to make him that he is less worried. even if it isn't true.

he feels like he still needs to say something more. he hasn't asked about neve's reasons for not wanting to have children, but he knows that he has them, that it might be bigger than a personal preference. it's not something anyone should be pushed on.

but if fear is a part of it, minsu knows something about that too.]

You know, sometimes I feel like the swamp is really what made all of this happen. Sage's body changing, being able to carry her, it could've stopped any of that. [he looks at the laundry, seeing it but not really seeing it.] It did this. Almost like it's her real parent, or it had some reason for wanting her to be born. When I think of that...it scares me sometimes. I'm afraid it'll try to take her away from me.

[ he hadn't thought about it. not even for a second. and it's like running into a wall and being knocked on his ass, because of course minsu knows what it's like to be afraid of something like that, of course there's someone else that lives with this kind of worry. and this person actually has a child.

at the same time it makes him think: no way. it wouldn't happen. not because he knows the swamp and its intentions. but because he knows swamp house and everyone in it. ]

We'd never let that happen. We would fight.

[ then... wouldn't they do the same for neve and dash? it feels different, somehow. the swamp was here before they were. this is it's home. sage's home. if the queen went after a child between him and dash, she would come here, and she could hurt anyone, everyone. it would be neve who drew her here by having a child, and it would be his responsibility. ]

Ah...I feel a little bad.

[even if he's visibly relieved at the same time.]

I was counting a little too much on you saying that.

[even if he knows that sage is powerful, and knows that he would fight too. he would wade into the swamp over and over again, never coming out until he was either dead or had his daughter back.

even if he couldn't imagine neve saying anything else.]

There's not a drop of blood between us, but were family. All of us. Now I feel like I can put some of those worries aside, because I know we can all protect her and each other.

We would. We'd keep her and you two safe.

[ it's nothing to feel bad about when it's true. minsu might have been hoping because he knew it was likely they would. of course. they're family, and they're not about to abandon each other. they would keep jiyun, minsu and sage safe at any cost.

neve wishes he could feel reassured for himself, but he can't seem to use the same logic. ]

With all of our strengths pooled together, we're unbeatable. She's safe here.

in medias res.

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